I am worthy RIGHT NOW because _____. : Notes from the Daring Greatly Book Club, Part 2 on July 25, 2016

Quotes from Daring Greatly by Brené Brown:

"Only when we're brave enough to explore the darkness will we discover the infinite power of our light."
"I believe honest conversations about vulnerability and shame can change the world."
"We all want to Dare Greatly.  If you give us a glimpse into that possibility, we'll hold on to it as our vision.  It can't be taken away."

Intros & Opening Thoughts

  • am I too vulnerable?  I'm an open book.  Need for barriers.
  • These are my people
  • Open book v. boundaries
  • Get out of comfort zone
  • Perfectionism leading to shame
    • Won't lead you to success
  • Getting over the belief of "I am what I accomplish."

What is vulnerability?

  • Willing to share something that could hurt you
  • Opening yourself up
  • Putting yourself out there
  • Being brave and courageous
  • Does it come across as foolish?
  • Has presence.  Knowing you're in a tender place
  • It is NOT sharing when you don't know the person or the response you're going to get

Conversation Notes

  • Stories in our head
  • What happens when we feel like we Need to share?
  • Role of grief
  • Vulnerability gone well - when you already have a relationship with the person you're sharing with
  • Venting v. authentic sharing
  • Is sharing with someone you don't think you'll see again really being vulnerable?  Is it a risk?

  • Boundaries

    • I can't be more invested in your mental health than you are
    • Using "helping" someone as a distraction
    • Metaphor of the field lines in a soccer game

  • Types of Vulnerability

    • Physical
    • Words
    • Actions
  • Empathy v sympathy - don't NEED to fix it
  • Being able to BE in the silence

  • Us V. Them

    • More likely to be critical of others if you are critical of yourself

  • Scarcity

    • If you don't love yourself you operate from a terrible place
    • Only know how to criticize others because you are criticizing yourself

Final Thought

  • I don't need you to fix it.  I just need you to listen.
  • Movie suggestion: When a man Loves a Woman
  • Being kind to self - so that others will know I'm being authentic
  • Healthy Boundaries
  • Book recommendation: The 5 Love Languages

Additonal Concepts & Questions to explore:

  • Is getting past shame necessary for getting to vulnerability?
  • What is the difference between worthiness and ego?

Daily Practice:

Fill in this sentence:  I am worthy/enough right now because ______. 

 

Upcoming events:

The Risk-a-Day Challenge: Notes from Part 1 of the Daring Greatly Book Club on July 11, 2016

Quotes from Brene Brown:

 

"I believe honest conversations about vulnerability and shame can change the world."
"Yes, we are totally exposed when we are vulnerable.  Yes, we are in the torture chamber that we call uncertainty.  And, yes, we're taking a huge emotional risk when we allow ourselves to be vulnerable.  But there's no equation where taking risks, braving uncertainty, and opening ourselves up to emotional exposure equals weakness."
"Every time we choose courage, we make everyone around us a little better and the world a little braver, and our world could stand to be a little kinder and braver."

How does vulnerability make you feel?

  • Uncomfortable
  • Defensive
  • Fearful
  • Dizzy
  • Scared to try new things
  • Want to be invisible
  • Nervous about perceptions of others
  • Relief - when w/ someone you trust

How do you fill in this statement: Not ______ enough.

  • Not PERFECT enough

Do our "not enough" feelings come from an internal or external place of origin?

  • Internal AND comparison
  • Making up for things

What messages influence our behavior?

  • Success at all costs
  • Seeing what others have and wanting it because they have it (not because we want it)
  • Progress is success
  • Struggle to have patience with self when others seem to be moving so quickly (perception)

IMPOSTER SYNDROME!

  • Defense mechanism
  • Protecting ourselves - can't interact with others until I’m "good enough"
  • What if they ask me ____?
  • Making assumptions

Our insecurities cause us to set up defense mechanisms

Important to remember the positive things in our life and our successes

Why do we struggle with compliments?

Giving V. Receiving - relationship to TRUST

  • Uncomfortable in the spotlight
  • Don't believe it - so think person is not being genuine
  • Defense mechanism - of not wanting / letting people know you

TRUST!

Beware of comparing someone else's highlight reel to your behind the scenes

 

Final Thought

  • Why do we have to "force" ourselves to have fun?
  • The concept of why we hide our vulnerability but respect someone else's
  • Struggle with comparing self to people at work - something to work on and be more aware of

 

Resources